Tuesday, 13 May 2014

Whale torture

"We're losing her"  I scream as she drifts away.Nobody hears me, louder I repeat my words, sobbing this time.Family and friends come running in, "Rose is dying" I cry.The water evaporates as her skin dries out

Peli the pelican fly's over.Her gob opens a big splodge of water drops out.SPLAT it lands it lands on rose's back it's like a paint splat on a piece of paper.I can smell the salt drift through the air.Her howl of fear comes roaring out.I continue sobbing as my pet whale is dying. My drenched clothes drip as run into the house. I run to the tap, the knob turns but my hand stays set at there position.

The lights flicker the door swings open in all of an instant my family have all turned into blood sucking, brain eating monsters. I run to the ocean to find rose walking and talking she had stolen there spirits. Miraculously more whales appear out of the water also walking and talking. My pet Hamtaro legs moving like they've never moved before. I paced around, I thought of an idea I'll go get  Vince I thought.

he's alive but only just with very severe breathing problems."Are you ok Vince" I whisper. He reply's his very faint voice slowly lets out "is that you Jude tollera. "Yes it is" I softly reply as the screams of humans being sapped by whales there blood stream fading as they turn into creeps.


  1. nice piece of writing but finish

  2. creepy.but good writing.

  3. Hi Francis. There is a lot going on with this writing! I think that you need to spend the next session adding more detail and organising your ideas. The beginning is fantastic and then it starts to jump around a bit. From the point - The lights flicker - it starts moving very quickly. I would start - the lights flicker - as a new paragraph then try to slow down the pace a bit :)

    Also watch our for there vs their

    Keep going (and recrafting) Francis!